February?

How did the month of January go by so quickly? I still have Christmas lights hanging outside, and the decorations are still waiting to go in the attic. We've had unseasonably warm days and ridiculously cold days. Today is too cold for me. Our little house just can't warm up.

The boy continues to grow at a ridiculous rate. He will pass me up soon. My shoes are too small for him! He had a bad round of the flu. Not that any flu is good, he was just very sick for several days. So was his dad. I take many more supplements than they are willing to take so I was only sick for 3 days and considered it a bad cold. But they were both much sicker than I. They are taking their D3 vitamins now! Poor Greg still can't hear from fluid in his ears - he ended up at the doctor's office with an infection.

Speaking of supplements, I started going to the chiropractor in December. Well, to go back a bit further I had been in pain all over for several months. Joint pain, bone pain, headaches, and uveitis. In August my eye doctor recommended I see a rheumatologist. I pretty much blew that off because of the cost. Then Greg had a kidney stone in September for which he had to have lithotripsy, so our deductible was met. I had uveitis flares in October and November so I made an appointment w/the rheumatologist - in mid-December. By Thanksgiving I was just miserable with pain. Getting out of bed was painful. Rolling over in bed was painful. It took a long time each day for me to be able to move around from the stiffness. I was ready for medication. Nothing I was doing was helping.

I figured it wouldn't hurt anything, so I finally called for a chiropractic appointment. I got in that day and saw him 4 times that first week. He sees the supplements I'm taking and asks about how much fish oil I was taking. At the time, I was taking 2 capsules a day, if I remembered. He said to start taking much more - like 8 or 10 a day, for inflammation. That was cheap and safe enough to try, so I began taking 3 capsules 3 times a day. Within 2 weeks of supplements and adjustments I was 80% - 90% better. I did a little research and found that ginger is also good for treating inflammation so I began taking that 3 caps/3x daily as well.

Two months into it, I have no joint pain and very very little pain in my right leg (this was excruciating for a long while). I'm now seeing the chiropractor every 2 weeks and still pain free. If I feel a twinge of pain coming on, I take more fish oil instead of a pain reliever. I had a uveitis flare for about a week in January, but it didn't last as long or hurt as constantly as in the past. Oh, and I've lost 10 pounds too. Yes, I am moving a bit more because of the lack of pain and maybe I'm not snacking so much (since I know that processed foods make inflammation worse), but I've not done enough of either to explain 10 pounds. I wonder if the inflammation in my body was actually adding weight, or if perhaps the fish oils are changing my metabolism. I'm not finding any info referring to either. I'm not really concerned about the cause, just curious. :)

As for the rheumatologist, I have a follow-up apointment in March, 12 weeks after the initial appointment. I had 7 vials of blood drawn and over a dozen x-rays that day and I've not been contacted about any results. That leaves me to believe that this doctor thinks 12 weeks is an acceptable waiting time for test results. Not my idea of a good doctor, not even a decent one. So I'll be contacting his nurse to get my lab results and cancelling my follow-up. I think God planned for me to see both doctors while I financially was able. I've seen the difference in how I am treated and know I do not need the drugs I was originally going to the rheumatologist to get.

Laylah Christian

I am exhausted! Thursday afternoon, my friend Brandie finally went into the birthing center. She'd been contracting for days and began dilating weeks ago. She saw the midwife in the am, who told her to go home, eat, shower, do some walking around the block and then come back when she was ready. She was offered the chance at a water birth, but decided she wanted the epidural more. Anyway, about an hour after the epidural her contractions had all but stopped (big surprise), so they began pitocin. I know that is usually the recipe for a c-section, but I kept my mouth shut. She'd already had 6 vaginal births and I didn't want to add to her emotional stress. Thankfully, the pitocin did indeed get things going well. Finally about 1 am she couldn't take the contractions anymore. She was also having pain that she felt was in her bladder - once the midwife heard that & removed the catheter, it was better. But by this time she's in very active labor. After witnessing a couple of contractions, realizing the epidural was wearing off, the midwife said, "Okay lets just go ahead and deliver. I've never witnessed a birth before. If you ever have the chance, don't pass it up. So amazing! First thing I know, I am seeing hair. The midwife called Dad over to catch the baby and he did great. Brandie pushed 2 maybe 3 more times and Laylah was here. She was crying immediately. Next thing I know, the midwife is saying "who's this lady?" It took us all a minute to realize she was talking about me. She said come cut the cord. I don't think I've ever gotten my camera strap off my neck so quickly. My hand was shaking. It was surreal. Then after the cut, baby is wisked over to the warmer for cleaning and weighing. When I realized I had blood on my hands, I didn't want to wash it off. It was too precious. Then the midwife told me I had blood on my shirt, and I smiled. I also told her that if it were me, I'd be taking the placenta home. Of course, I'd never seen a placenta (in person) before either. So far, no one wants to see the picture I took of it. :P

So Laylah Christian held out long enough to be born Friday Nov. 5th, her mommy's 36th birthday! She is pefect. And I am a Nanny again. :)

Mini Me

I have always enjoyed watching for Greg's personality traits in our son. He is most definitely his father's son. As I spend my days with him, I sometimes see my father, Greg's brother, even my father-in-law in him. But I've recently begun to see and allow myself to appreciate the me in him. He loves music (well, he gets that from us both). He's endlessly creative.

He's constantly rearranging his bedroom (a passion of mine). He wants an apartment in the garage (yes this is the same child who shared our bed until he was 9). He's settled for setting up his closet as a bedroom, thus leaving the rest of his room as his apartment. "Now, I come out of my 'room' and there's still another door before I get to you." I remember trying to make a clubhouse out of my closet. I remember all of the arranging ideas that I knew better than to try.

Thank you God for my memories. For the memories of what I wanted to do, and the memories of the feeling of not being allowed to try much. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this incredible child's life. It really is an honor, and I don't want to ever forget that, not even momentarily.

It worked!

Monday night @ midnight, Fallout: New Vegas was released (video game), and the night owls that we are were there to pick up the game. Gregory had a friend over, and Tuesday afternoon Hubby told him he needed to at least make an offer for the friend to play (bless his heart, he's used to having to wait for his turn & never even asked to play). Next thing I know, Landon (friend) is playing and Gregory is pouting and exuding negative energy. I assumed it was because he felt he had to hand the game over. I called him over to me to talk about it.

He sat down, face parallel to the floor, and I asked what the problem was. He just shook his head no and didn't speak. I didn't relent. He (& his dad) know by now that when I ask, "what's wrong?" I don't let it go. After a minute or so, with a cracking voice he says he's so stupid. I wasn't expecting that. I asked why he felt that way and he said he'd been playing for 2 hours without saving, and his character got killed, so he lost everything he'd done in that 2 hours. His broken heart was so heavy.

I picked up his chin with my hand and stared him in the eye. I told him he's not stupid and he responded "yes I am", several times. I started telling him he's not stupid, he made a mistake. That when I forget to buy tea bags (a hot commodity in the house) it didn't make me stupid. Told him I wouldn't allow someone else to be so mean to him, and I wasn't going to let him do it either. Looking him straight in the eye, I told him how smart, how capable, how lovable he is. Then I told him, "You are a smart, good person. Say it." He mumbled it quickly. "Again!" I said. He repeated. "Again!" "I'm a smart, good person." "Again!"...

After a couple of minutes, he was grinning while saying it, and then giggling. "Again!" With a smile on his face he says, "You know this is torture, right?" "Yep! Again!" We ended up laughing so hard our sides hurt. And most importantly, he was no longer believing the lies his "self" was telling him.

Thank you God for allowing me to be in and stay in the moment with him, and for the ability to help him out of a pit. Allow me to remember this lesson (what I thought he was upset about vs. the real reason) and the honor of watching him grow through it.

You didn't see anything...

Yeah, I'm going to pretend that I haven't gone 9 months without posting.

Yesterday, Vivian's baby sister Alden was born. Alena's baby sister will be born anyday now. Gregory turned 12 in July. Chase and Kayla are now 11. Mikey is 4 and going to school. JoJo just turned 3, and Stella will be 3 soon too. Alena is 2 and just too cute! Her mommy says anytime anyone knocks at their door, she goes running down the hall yelling, "Nana's here! Nana's here!" (I'm Nana)

Now you are up to date on the important stuff. :)

Gumbo

I don't like to cook. I'm not very creative, nor are the palates of my dining companions. I'm also not a recipe follower - I'm a pinch of this, dash of that kind of cook. But recently I've hit on something my hubby asked me to please write down. It's my gumbo. I've made it several times lately and he's asked me to make it when we've had friends over. So here goes my attempt to make a recipe out of my gumbo experience.

First, the roux (pronounced roo, like kangaroo). Traditionally, a roux is made with one part veg. oil and one part all purpose flour. I could get a nice medium roux this way, but if I tried for a dark roux, it would burn. Everytime. A while back, I'd heard of a "dry roux", using only the flour and not the oil. Rather than frying the flour, you are toasting it. I use the same iron skillet and the same amount of flour (1 cup per batch), stir it like usual to keep from burning, and slowly but surely it will darken (a medium heat, stirred almost constantly).
Another nice thing is I can make extra roux to keep for later.

Because I don't cook with them often enough to use fresh, I use Zatarain's dried bell peppers, onions, and green onions. I soak about 1/4c of each of those in a couple of cups of water while my roux is darkening. To that mix, I also add parsley powder(~1Tsp), cayenne pepper(~1tsp), creole seasoning(~2Tsp), and one chicken bullion cube (salt & black pepper as well {~1Tsp each to start}).


I use an 8 quart stainless stock pot, and for this size gumbo, I will use 3 boneless chicken breasts and 1.5 pounds of smoked sausage, both cut & browned before adding to gumbo.


Once my roux is dark enough, I slowly add the seasonings & the water they soaked in. This will bring the roux to a paste.


While I am dealing with the roux and seasonings, I have the browned chicken and sausage cooking in a couple of quarts of water in the stock pot. Once my roux paste is thin enough to pour (yet still thick - cake batter-ish), I pour it into the stock pot.


Then I fill the pot (again, an 8qt pot) with hot water and allow this to cook at a slow boil for as many hours as possible (at LEAST 3). Gumbo is something that gets better everytime it's heated. While it is cooking, it will thicken and you will probably need to add water after an hour or so. It's this step that determines how thick your gumbo will be. And if/when you add more water, be sure to allow it to cook down for at least another half hour. Also, check for seasonings every half-hour or so. I usually add salt & pepper as it cooks. We like our gumbo thick - on the line of a bisque or a cream soup. Some like it thinner. I'd say go with thicker if you're unsure - you can always add a little more water.This is the pot at the beginning of the cook. When it's *ready*, it has cooked down to about 3/4 full.

More traditional gumbo would use chicken on-the-bone for stock flavoring. It would use andoulli, and fresh veggies(~.5c each), perhaps even okra (though we only use okra in seafood gumbo). All of these things can only make your gumbo better. But you can make a very good gumbo without. Just saying...

Hold Fast - Mercy Me

Blahh...

The funk I am in is trying to stay, and I am trying to shake it. I don't really know how though. Maybe writing my thoughts will help. Maybe not.

My thoughts lately have been mostly of the suffering of those around me. The forethought I carry with me now is that of my friend Lisa, whose daughter Vivian drowned 3.5 months ago. She's keeping an online journal of the family's experience. It can be hard to read and yet encouraging at the same time. She can't see it now, but Lisa is helping so many people by sharing her walk.

Seeing Greg in pain again has been a challenge. It breaks my heart to think of all he's been through, and that he's likely to need another surgery in the not-too-distant future. His pain is nowhere as bad as it was, but knowing how bad it can get is frustrating.

Another biggie is my cousin Brandy. She's 30 years old, has a 3yo son, and just celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary. And she's been dealing with brain cancer since last November. It's very aggressive and the aggressive treatment she's getting is barely keeping the growth at bay. Five years ago, we lost our cousin Geri to breast cancer at the age of 34. So the whole family is scared, but trying not to go there. It bothers me that I'll go a few days without thinking about her. I don't get updates everyday and days do go by without me thinking of her. Maybe that's my own form of denial. I really believed Geri would win her battle, and I am believing the same thing for Brandy. But doubt is an evil thing. Lies like if I don't pray for her she won't be healed. I don't think God needs me to pray to heal Brandy. I am very aware of His ability to heal her. At the same time, I am aware that it may not be in His will that she survive this physical battle.

I've never believed God needed me to pray for something to happen - never believed that x number of prayers cancels out x number of wrongs. I am beginning to see that prayer opens me up to see or understand (in some small way) His will. My prayers don't change God's plan, they just help me see and accept His plan. It opens up an opportunity for my relationship with God to grow in whatever experience I am having.

I feel a season of deep thought coming on. Big changes are coming for me & mine.

Just keep swimming...

Gregory and I took 2 of his friends, Zachary and Landon, with us to the aquarium in N.O. Friday. They'd never been to N.O. at all and we had a great time. My fat unbalanced self fell on the stairs there and sprained my ankle. We were already near the end of the tour and the first-aid crew fussed over me for a while. They got a bag of ice taped onto me and off we went for the drive home. My ankle/foot got very swollen and purple, but is mostly healed now. It didn't ruin our trip.

Tuesday

Today is my Love's birthday. So sweet of him to stay older than me. Today is an unusual birthday for him. There's no generator running, there's no storm hovering in the gulf, it's not even hot outside. It's now been a year since he hurt his back.

I'm finding it hard to break out of our summer *sit in*. We weren't protesting anything (other than the heat) we just stayed home. Now we have the chance to start getting out again and I'm finding it hard. I always enjoy the outings and I never regret going, but the *going* part is really hard. It's challenging because G's just as much an introvert as I am. He always enjoys getting out too, but drags his feet about going. I don't make him go, but I do present a good case and he usually agrees. Right now we need to go see my parents. That's an hour west. My dad had surgery last week, and he has rebuilt our old computer for G. We also have the chance to go to the aquarium in N.O. That's an hour east. I can't see us doing both in one week. But we need to do one. And we need to decide. My mom will be calling soon with the guilt inducing "when are ya'll coming?" Like the roads don't go both ways. I just hate driving so much.

My brains are feeling very scrambled these days. Some of it's hormonal I know, but I could really do without the constant anxiety attacks. Like I told a friend, I feel like I am okay, but so many around me are suffering so much. My friend Lisa whose baby girl died 3 months ago; Greg with his back; My friend Brandie and her ongoing financial battles; My cousin Brandy (30) fighting brain cancer - very aggressive and just barely being held at bay with chemo; My sisters and their ongoing fight with each other; Both my dad and FIL feeling terrible lately, but getting no results from numerous medical tests. And last week marked 10 years since my MIL and godmother died, followed the next day by the 5th anniversary of my cousin Geri's death. She had breast cancer and was 34.

There's something eerie about the shadows outside today. The sky is bright blue, but the shadows look like it's stormy. I'm not explaining it well. It's just weird.

I hope this day gets better. My gut aches.