This happened in our home just about 3 weeks ago. We've always used correct names for all body parts. Somewhere along the line he learned that a vagina is "what a woman has down there." No questions ever came up when the word sex was heard, usually on television.
One day I could tell something was really bothering him, but he couldn't tell me what. I made a point of telling him that he needs to know he can tell me anything. I may not like what he has to say, but it won't change the fact that I love him. I said it a few times, in a few ways, and he finally says "not ANYthing." I said yes, anything. He began shaking his head no and had tears in his eyes. He said there was something he couldn't tell me. It so obviously was weighing heavy on his heart. I asked if he had done something he knew he shouldn't do and he said, yes, but not on purpose. I tried to lighten the moment - I asked him if he had joined the army or if he had gotten married. He grinned, but still was still bothered.
I explained that if he did something wrong, and he was genuinely sorry, all he needed to do was to ask God to forgive him, and then forgive himself and not do it again. I told him if he did that, he didn't really have to tell me. He said he wanted to tell me. So I asked if it would be easier for him to tell his dad. He said Dad already knew - "he caught me". (somewhere along the line we had determined this had something to do with the computer). I said that I imagined he and dad had talked about it and he said yes, but he still wanted to tell me. So I asked if he'd like to write it down. He said no, but after a few minutes said yes he would like to write it down. So I gave him pen and paper and went to the bathroom. He came in there and asked me how to spell "girls". So I knew where this was going. When I came out of the bathroom, I see he has written on the paper "girls kissing". I pulled him up in my lap. I asked if he had googled girls kissing, and he said yes. I asked what kinds of things he had seen. He replied "not much because the trend micro (our virus/firewall program) kept going off all over the place and I couldn't make them stop." That's how dad caught him - he had to get help with the computer. I kept hugging him and telling him it was okay, we'll survive.
After a few minutes, I said that I guessed he had googled that because he had some questions about such things. He said yes, and dad told him his hormones were going all over the place
Me: You know it takes a man and a woman to make a baby right?
G: Yes
Me: You know that the man has sperm and the woman has an egg, and they have to get together to make a baby, right?
G: Yes.
Me: Do you know how the sperm gets from the man's body to the woman's body?
G: I'm guessing through the kissing?
Me: No, not quite. The sperm are in your testicles.
G: Oh God!
Me: Do you want me to stop?
G: No...
Me: And when the husband and wife are alone and making love they are very close and his penis fits inside her vagina.
G: Oh God!
Me: Do you want me to stop?
G: No...
Me: And the sperm comes out of your body through the same opening as the pee comes out of.
G: Oh God!
G: (who has now become uncomfortable with the words penis and testicles and wants to use the slang words) Do you lose your balls or something?
Me: (trying not to laugh) No, they are just the container and they fill up again.
Me: And every time this happens there is a chance of a pregnancy. Of course, it doesn't happen every time, but every time, there is a chance.
G: Even the first time? (where did that question come from????)
Me: YES even the first time. Every time.
We then continued the talk in the context of it being a gift from God and the most intimate and vulnerable we can be with another person and when it's done with the love and commitment behind it, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. But when it's done without that love and commitment, it can cause much pain, physical and emotional.
Nothing has come up since, but I hope we've laid some good ground. I think we have. When I shared this with DH, he said the computer incident happened before Gregory's birthday (July). He said he couldn't believe it was still on his mind.
So the next day I asked Gregory how long he's wanted to tell me. Months! was his reply. So I said, "My baby, you let the devil torment you for months because you were afraid of what I'd say or think about you? He's been lying to you all this time. I love you no matter what you ever do, and if you think otherwise, you are listening to the devil's lies."
I think we all learned a lot that day.
